September 30, 2008

Dear Friend,

You've known me for a number of years that you know that my family isn't exactly...functional. It seems like something is always wrong. Umm, I don't know if I've ever told you this but my family is alcoholic. Well at least my dad, my aunt, and two of my uncles are. And my aunt has almost died from over drinking twice now. She has almost lost her life twice now and she still doesn't seem to get the idea that if she keeps this up it's going to finally kill her. I don't get how someone would intentionally drink that much and then at the last minute decide that they don't want to die. I just don't get it.

My dad is kind of the same way but at least he's a little smarter to not drink to the point where he's going to die. But at the sametime, he does have some anger problems and it does get really bad when something goes wrong and, to be honest, I thought that me and brother were in big big trouble because he would yell and throw things. He never did hit us though. Never once. Just yelled. I would take the lesser of the two evils anyday when it came to my dad's yelling fits.

I just feel like I missed out on a normal childhood, you know? I've always had to live in a home where I had to tip-toe around to not get yelled at. Like I look at my relatives families and I wish I could have grown up there. My parents got divorced when I was like 6 or 7 so you know I never had my mom around to talk to - but it's not like we talk today anyway so no big loss there.

But right before I started college, I got to live with my aunt - you know the one that I love and the one that saved me from going insane. She was the one who taught me to not take any more shit from my dad and taught me to say no to him. Don't get me wrong or anything, I do love my dad and I do miss him but at the sametime, I had to get out of my house and away from him. Anyway, she taught me a lot of things. Overall, she taught me to take life one day at a time and to appreciate life because your life can change in a matter of a day. And you know, it's true.

And I guess I can see the same message when it comes to my friends, too. My groups of very close friends has changed dramatically. And my relationship with one of my very best friends has changed to where I can't talk to her anymore. I don't know how it happened but I guess it happened slowly, to where I didn't even see it coming. You remember my ex-boyfriend right? Of course you do. I guess it was him that took me away from her and now I don't have both of them in my life anymore. She was like a sister to me. The one person that I could turn to and just talk and talk and talk. He was the one person that I felt like could take me away from all of my family problems. But now they're both gone. Once again, take life one day at a time and appreciate every moment of it.

And when I do take the time to appreciate life and take it one day at a time, I feel infinite because I know that I'm not taking anything for granted. I just get this feeling of I-don't-even-know-what running through my body, but it's a good feeling. It's a very good feeling.

Lots of Love,
Lexi